Surfacing by Emmy

***

Buffy watched her sister go, disappointment and guilt flooding her mind. She'd really made a mess of things this time.

"Damn," Angel said. "Sorry Spike. I was hoping that would have gone better."

"And I thought you two would have at least warned her I was here! What was that about? Springing me on her? 'Course she ran off."

Buffy cringed. In a way, Spike was right, but ... "She's so cut off about the whole situation, though. If I had told her, she would have found some excuse to leave early. Some work thing would have come up. Trust me. She would have bailed."

"Like she just did?" Spike asked. "Instead of leaving all together, she runs and hides upstairs at the sight of me. Yes, this is a much better option."

Angel looked over at Spike. "Not exactly at the sight of you. She did say hello ... before running off."

Spike glared at him. "Bugger off. You're not helping."

Buffy cleared her throat. "Enough, both of you. Fighting about it won't fix anything. It never does. Angel, you and I are going to dinner. Spike, you're going to march your happy little vampire butt upstairs and fix this mess with my sister."

"Buffy..." Angel began.

She held up her hand. "No. That is what we're doing. No arguments. Let's go."

Neither one of the vampires attempted to argue with the Slayer. Spike walked them out to the car, catching Buffy's hand before she got inside. "What do I say?"

"Start with the truth," she said softly. "That's always a good place."

"Right," Spike mused quietly, pulling out his cigarettes. "The truth."

Buffy and Angel drove off then, leaving Spike alone with his thoughts, smoking in the dark.

***

Dawn had been sitting on her bed for twenty minutes debating what to do next. Her head in her hands, she didn't even hear the knock on the door. She didn't notice when Spike came in without her invitation, and didn't even know he was there until he cleared his throat. She looked up at him, too shocked for words.

"Yeah," he began. "Buffy said I should start with the truth. But the thing is, the truth isn't going to be good enough for you. Hell, it's barely good enough for me, and I've had years to get used to it."

"You're not making any sense," Dawn said, finding her voice.

"Yeah."

Standing up, Dawn walked over to him, stopping mere inches away. "You left."

"I know."

"Why did you leave?"

"I was scared."

"Bullshit."

Spike sighed. "No, Dawn, really. I was scared. Scared of the way you made me feel. I got spooked."

"Spooked?"

Spike nodded, moving away from her, he began to pace the room. "Yeah. Spooked. Dawn, in all my years, no one, including Drusilla, has made me feel like you did that night."

He looked over at her, and Dawn felt tears pool in her eyes. "No," she whispered. "You don't get to say that, and I won't believe you. Not after all this time. Not now."

Without another word, Dawn turned and walked into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. Leaning against the door, she tried to comprehend what Spike was trying to tell her, because she knew he was trying to get some kind of point across, and she didn't dare let her heart hope it was what she wanted it to be, no matter what he said, no matter how sweet his words were on the surface. If Spike wanted her he wouldn't have left. Or, at the very least, he would have made some effort to see her in the years since they'd had their night together. And it had been years.

Thinking back, Dawn could now say that she'd known what would happen when she invited Spike back to the Hyperion. Buffy and Angel had been together for almost a year at that point, when Dawn graduated from high school, and had agreed to get a hotel room ... at another hotel ... for the night so they wouldn't know what time she did -- or didn't -- come home from a night of partying. What Dawn thought they hadn't known was that she'd never made it to any parties. She'd seen Spike as she was hugging everyone good-bye, had seen him standing in a back corner of the auditorium away from the prying eyes of the Scooby Gang. So, after her good-byes were said and her friends had gone home, Dawn walked over to Spike and threw her arms around him.

Snippets of their conversation that night floated into her memory. Greetings and well wishes mixing with promises to keep in touch and dinner invitations. How they had ended up back at the hotel, Dawn still didn't know. It had just happened. But standing outside the door, just looking at each other, Dawn had known. She had known without a doubt what was going to happen when she invited Spike in. And she had been right. They'd built up to it slowly, of course. He hadn't simply pounced on her as soon as they'd walked through the door. No, he'd taken his time, made her feel comfortable. And when they made love? It had been beautiful.

Or so Dawn had thought until she woke up alone in her bed the next morning, Spike nowhere to be found.

'Same old story,' she mused. 'Never gonna change.'

***

Persistent knocking on the bathroom door pulled Dawn out of her thoughts. She was still leaning against the door, and quickly moved, pulling it open a crack. Spike peered back at her. "You've been in there an hour, Bit. Come back out here. We'll talk."

"I ... um," Dawn's voice trailed off.

Reaching in through the crack in the door, Spike grasped her wrist in his hand. "Come on."

She thought about resisting, but knew it wouldn't do any good. Spike had a determined look in his eye. It was what he was determined to do that had her worried. She wasn't sure she could forgive him yet, if his only reason for leaving was that he got spooked. That just wasn't good enough. Not after she'd spent years wondering what she had done wrong, why he had just up and left her like he did. She sat down on a corner of the bed, and wished for the first time that she'd picked out a suite instead of just a room ... at least then there'd be a couch.

Spike, respecting her need for space, pulled out the desk chair and sat down across from her. "Dawn ... I'm sorry. I told you before we got started that the truth wasn't going to be good enough. It wasn't good enough for your sister either, when I told her. She would 'ave staked me if Angel hadn't been there."

"Angel stopped her from dusting you?"

Spike nodded. "Yeah. And don't ask me to explain why. I still don't understand that. He went on and on, mumbling under his breath about some day he could never get back ... how he'd had perfect happiness for that one day but had given it up because he got scared. Guess he understood. Never thought that'd happen, the two of us havin' something like this in common."

Dawn just stared at him. "And I never would have guessed that I'd someday get to hear you babble, either. I guess wonders really do never cease."

Spike chuckled. "Yeah, guess so."

"So you got spooked," Dawn said. "About what?"

Spike's eyes darted around the room. He looked everywhere, it seemed, but directly at her. Finally, running his hand through his hair, he said, "You know, this wallpaper is really hideous. I'm surprised Buffy's not redecorated this entire place by now."

Dawn narrowed her eyes. "Yeah. It is bad. Quit avoiding the question. What spooked you?"

Finally meeting her eyes, Spike shrugged. "Don't know really," he paused, sighing, "Now, Bit, don't get all huffy. Let me finish."

Dawn closed her mouth. She'd been about to lay into him, but he was right. She needed to let him finish first. Nodding once, she let him continue. His eyes never leaving hers, he said, "It was everything, I think. I never even intended to show up at your graduation, you know? I was going to stay away. Meant to send you a card, but never got it in the mail ... and then somehow, I ended up in the back, watching you walk across the stage. And you weren't my Lil' Bit anymore. You were a grown woman. Beautiful, as always but more so."

Dawn blinked. Part of her wondered if this was a dream, if she was going to wake up and realize that Spike was still gone, that Buffy and Angel didn't know her secret, and that she was still alone. Spike was still talking, telling her how he never expected to be seen, how she had surprised him by not only approaching him, but hugging him as well. And Dawn kept waiting to wake up. It just seemed ... too good to be true.

"Then we ended up back here," he said. "In this hotel. Not this bed, though. You've switched rooms."

Dawn nodded absently. "It hurt too much to stay in my other one."

"That morning ... the sun was already up when I left. Snuck out through the sewer ... you looked like an angel, sleeping so peaceful. And I couldn't stay. I knew that I'd hurt you if I did. And I didn't want to hurt you, Bit. You deserve better than me."

Dawn stared at him for a long time, just processing what he'd told her. Taking a deep breath, and steeling herself against the answer she feared was coming, she asked the question she'd been dying to ask for years. "But did you want to stay? Or was I just not enough to keep you here?"

Spike was on his feet and across the room before Dawn could blink. His face inches from hers, their eyes locked, he stated, "I never wanted to leave. I did what I thought was right. And you ... you were wonderful. Don't you ever doubt that. You were perfect."

"But I have doubted that. Just that. Spike, you left. You just left. And I ... I thought it was because I hadn't been good enough."

Pain flared in Spike's eyes. "Shit, Dawn, no. No. Not at all. You were ... bloody fantastic."

"Then why--"

Spike cut her words off, silencing her with a hard kiss. He pulled back after a few moments and couldn't help but smile at her dazed expression. Dawn smiled back, briefly, before remembering that she was supposed to be mad at him. "Why did you do that?"

"Nothing's changed for me."

"What?"

"I left, got spooked, whatever you want to call it, because I realized I love you. Love you. Not loved. Love."

Dawn blinked. "Oh..."

"I didn't want you hurt. Didn't want you to put your future on hold because of me. You had your entire adult life ahead of you, and I didn't want to ruin that, didn't want to get in the way."

"And now?"

"And now, I don't think I can live another day without you."

"Oh..."

"Oh?"

Dawn nodded. "Yeah. Oh."

She watched as Spike's head fell, his eyes meeting the floor. "You don't feel the same way, do you?"

Silence followed his question as Dawn considered her answer. To tell the truth would mean putting her heart out there again, setting herself up to be hurt once more. Spike had gotten up and was halfway to the door before she finally spoke, her voice barely more than a whisper. "I do."

He turned. "You do what?"

Taking a deep breath and gathering all the courage she could muster, Dawn said, "I do still ... hell, Spike, I haven't stopped loving you since I was fifteen years old. I really thought you knew that."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. What, you think you're the only one with suppressed feelings here? I've kept all this bottled inside for over four years! At least you've had Buffy and Angel to talk to!"

Spike chuckled. "Confessed it all in a drunken stupor, luv."

"Kinda figured."

Spike crossed the room, stopping at the end of the bed. "So, you love me?"

"Yeah. And you love me?"

Spike grinned. "Yeah."

Standing up and closing the distance between them, Dawn smiled as she said, "Well, I'm glad we got that cleared up."

Pressing his lips to hers, Spike kissed her, and for Dawn, four and a half years worth of wrongs were righted. She was finally home.

***

(One and a half months later)

Dawn stared into the nursery, her eyes settling on a small pink bundle, smiling like there was no end to her happiness. Alexandra Elisabeth Rosenberg was sleeping happily in her cradle, and nearly their entire family was down the hall. Willow's little girl was healthy, beautiful, and had been born less than twelve hours before. In her cradle beside her was a picture of another infant, one Jessica Joyce Harris, Jessie for short, who was exactly three weeks older than her.

Dawn grinned as strong arms enveloped her, pulling her back against an equally strong body. "She's cute, isn't she?" she whispered.

"'Course she is! With Red as her Mum, she didn't stand a chance to be anything but ... Harris' kid on the other hand ... ouch!" Spike concluded as Dawn elbowed him in the ribs.

"Jessie is just as cute as Alex."

"You notice they're both girls, yet have boy's names?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Nicknames. And besides, they're named after special people."

Nodding, Spike agreed. "Yeah. They are, at that."

Leaning her head back, Dawn placed a kiss on Spike's neck. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

They watched the baby for a few more minutes before turning to go check in on Willow. Spike took Dawn's hand in his and squeezed gently. "You happy, Bit?"

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Use your little gray cells."

Chuckling, Spike rolled his eyes. "You've been reading Agatha Christie again, haven't you?"

Dawn grinned. He knew her so well.

~The End~