Surfacing by Emmy

Note: This is my first Spike/Dawn fic.

This story was written as a part of bashipforever's Spike/Dawn ficathon. I wrote it for leni_ba. (on LJ)

Very special thanks to my betas, Elisabeth and Gabrielle. You two went above and beyond on this. I *really* couldn't have pulled it off without you.

Here were the specifics of the challenge:
Romantic or Friendship pairing: Romantic
Other character(s) if any you want in the fic: Angel (B/A or on his own). Willow and/or Xander if you can fit them in.
Requests (2 or 3 things you want in your fic): A computer, wallpaper, "You've been reading Agatha Christie again, haven't you?" in the quote, you may put any other author's name, but I'd love you forever if it were AC.
Restrictions (2 or 3 things you don't want): angst is fine, fluff is fine, dark is fine... as long as there isn't too much of any of them.

***

Dawn stared out the window at the California skyline and smiled. It was good to be home. She had only been back a handful of times since Sunnydale fell, and she'd only had a few days at a time on each of those trips. This time, though, she had all the time in the world, or so it seemed at the moment. The Watchers Council, or more specifically, Giles, had given her an entire month off of work to do whatever she wished to do. She had chosen to return to California to visit her family.

Buffy and Angel lived in LA, as they had since shortly after Angel had shown up in Italy with his soul forever attached to him. Dawn still wasn't sure of the details, but remembered the day Buffy told her the news very clearly. She had never seen her sister that happy before. In fact, it was very rare for Buffy not to be smiling these days. With all the Slayers in the world, Buffy was free to live her own life. She still slayed, at her soul-mate's side, but for the most part, the two of them lived a quiet life in the City of Angels.

Dawn had graduated high school in LA almost five years before, only six months after she and Buffy moved in with Angel, and now lived the life of a Watcher, of sorts. She traveled the world checking in on Watchers and Slayers, making sure that things were flowing smoothly, and that there were no brewing apocalypses that needed tending to. She didn't have a home, exactly, unless you counted the room she had at the Hyperion or the flat she shared with Willow when she was in London. Most of the time, Dawn lived out of her suitcase, moving from hotel to hotel in city after city. It was a rough, and occasionally very lonely existence, but it was the life she had chosen after college.

"Hey," Buffy said from the doorway, pulling Dawn out of her thoughts. "What'cha doing?"

Gesturing out the window, Dawn said, "Enjoying the view. Did you have a good day at work?"

Buffy nodded as she came all the way into the room. "Yeah," she sat down on the bed. "It was normal ... kids in trouble, kids skipping class..."

Grinning, Dawn responded, saying, "I still can't believe you're a high school counselor."

"Hey!" Buffy glared. "I'm good at my job and you know it! You've seen me in action!"

Giggling, Dawn conceded the point, kinda, saying, "Yeah, but the town was about to be sucked into hell. Principal Wood couldn't afford to be picky."

Buffy flung a pillow at Dawn. "Brat!"

Deftly catching the pillow and hurling it back at her sister, Dawn's laughter filled the room. Buffy patted the bed beside her. "I've missed you."

Dawn walked over and sat down. "I know. I missed you too, Buff. We should find a way to see each other more, to visit more."

Buffy rested her head on Dawn's shoulder. "We always say that, you know. Every time you visit me, or when I fly out to where ever you happen to be at the moment, we always promise to call more, to visit more than once or twice a year. Hell, I think we even promised to write last time..."

"Buffy?" Dawn asked. "What's wrong?"

The Slayer reached out and ran a finger over Dawn's arm, tracing the faint outline of a new scar. One that hadn't been there the last time they'd seen each other. "This," she whispered.

Dawn closed her eyes. She had known they'd have this conversation. They always did. But she hadn't expected it this early on. She'd only been in LA for a couple of hours, three at the most. Buffy usually lasted longer than that, and sometimes even a full day, before pointing out the dangers of Dawn's job. "It was a Pragotoa demon," Dawn said finally.

"They're nasty, aren't they? They have horns and like to slime people before eating them, right?"

"Yeah," Dawn answered. "This one decided I looked appetizing. Xander and Vi helped me change its mind, though."

Buffy looked at her in shock. "You were in Mexico when this happened? Xander never said a word."

Dawn bit her lip. "Um, yeah. I was down there. It wasn't long after their wedding, actually. I was checking in on their newest Slayer."

Buffy nodded, and Dawn could practically see her sister filing the information away for future use. She almost felt sorry for Xander ... since it was suddenly very clear that he would be on the receiving end of one of Buffy's endless lectures on personal safety. "I'm all right, you know," Dawn said. "There was no permanent damage done..."

"I know," Buffy responded. "I can see that. I just ... I worry about you, Dawn. You're the only real family I have left, kiddo."

"Don't call me that."

"Ah, Dawnie, come on! You never let me tease you anymore, and now you want me to give up my sweet endearments, too? That's just not fair. You never let me get away with anything anymore!"

"Because I'm 23!"

Buffy giggled. "Yeah, yeah."

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying each other's company until Dawn's laptop started to beep. Buffy gestured to the computer. "Your thingy is ringing."

Dawn rolled her eyes as she got up. "It's not ringing, you goober. It's telling me I have new mail."

"Gotta love smart technology," Buffy quipped. "Well, until it decides to take over the world and skewers it's maker through the heart..."

Dawn glared at her. "My laptop is not evil, Buffy."

"You say that now ... just wait. It all turns on you in the end! Ask Willow about Malcolm sometime. She'll fill you in. I am in the know here."

"No, you're just kinda crazy."

"Well, yeah. There is that to consider."

Dawn laughed and flipped open her laptop, pulling up her email program. Smiling, she looked up at Buffy. "It's from Willow!"

Buffy grinned in return and hopped off the bed, walking over to join Dawn. "What's she say?"

Dear Dawn,

Since we haven't heard from anyone wondering where the heck you are, Giles and I have decided to assume you made it to LA safely. But, for future reference, a phone call when you got there would have been nice, little missy. You and I will have a discussion about travel etiquette when you get back here, I hope you realize that. Anywho, I am supposed to let you know that Michelle Davis has finally agreed to be properly trained as a Slayer. Whatever you said to her this time must have done the trick. Giles says to tell you "Well Done," and I have to add a big Woo-Hoo on top of that. Really. Great job, Dawn. I didn't think we'd get that one.

On a personal note, I went to the doctor this morning and the baby is doing fine. The doctor says I've got about a month to go. So, see if you can persuade Buffy and Angel to come back to London with you when you come home. Xander can't be here with me 'cause Vi is farther along than I am, but I'd like at least one of my best friends present for the birth of my child. Lord knows I couldn't get Giles inside the delivery room if I paid him in rare antique books ... could you imagine the number of times he'd have to clean his glasses?

Have a great time on vacation, Dawn. I'll see you when you get back.

Love, Willow

Dawn finished reading the email aloud and looked at Buffy. "So? You coming back with me?"

"I'll have to talk to Angel, of course, but yeah, I'm pretty sure I will," she paused, "though pictures of Giles repeatedly cleaning his glasses would be very funny."

Dawn grinned. "Wouldn't it?"

"You sound like you're pretty good at this job of yours too, little sister."

Blushing slightly, Dawn ducked her head. "I try ... it's just hard, you know? Convincing teenagers that they have a destiny."

Buffy's eyes took on a faraway look, and Dawn realized that her sister knew exactly what she meant. Buffy shook her head slightly and looked over at Dawn. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."

Reaching out, Dawn squeezed her hand. "I know you do."

Smiling at each other, they moved back over to the bed, stretching out on their stomachs to talk. "So," Buffy asked. "Willow's really okay? I worry about her ... doing this whole pregnancy thing by herself."

Dawn nodded. "Yeah, I did, too, at first. But, you should see her, Buff, she's so happy ... she's so, so happy. I haven't seen her smile this much since, well since Tara."

"Oh, I believe you," Buffy said. "I've talked to her on the phone enough to know she's happy. It's just still kinda hard to believe she's going to be a single Mom by choice, ya know? I remember how hard it was for Mom. You know, how hard she worked to support the two of us..."

"I know," Dawn agreed. "But Will's got one heck of a support system."

"Damn straight," Buffy said. "So, what about you? Still crusin' the single scene?"

Dawn groaned inwardly. Talking about her lack of a love life always led to questions she couldn't answer. "Yeah," she said quietly. "No one to date, no time to date, pick your excuse and you'll get a clear picture."

"So there's no one?"

'Oh, there's someone,' Dawn thought to herself. 'The same someone I've wanted for years now. He just doesn't want me. I wasn't good enough for him.'

Dawn looked over at Buffy, forcing all thoughts of her broken heart out of her mind. "No," she confessed. "There's no one new."

'And,' Dawn added to herself, 'that is not a lie.'

Dawn's mind started to drift as Buffy began to give her ever persistant spiel on the values of dating and normal life. Dawn had heard this speech so many times she could almost quote it, and as always, she found herself thinking about why she'd never take Buffy's advise to heart. 'There isn't anyone new,' she thought. 'There is only Spike. There will only ever be Spike.'

Dawn had not seen the blond vampire in years. Almost five years, to be exact. Her graduation night was the last time she'd seen him, and that seemed almost a lifetime ago. Their one night together had been, in Dawn's opinion, the most wonderful thing imaginable. He had been so gentle, so loving, as he took her virginity ... loving the pain away. But then, the next morning, she'd woken up alone. Spike had left without a sound, and he hadn't even left a note. Dawn had been heartbroken. It had taken months for her to pick up the pieces. And still, through it all, she still wanted him. She still loved him.

"Dawn? Are you even listening to me?" Buffy's voice broke through her thoughts.

"About the value of dating?"

Buffy glared at her. "No, doofus. About dinner. I just told you that Angel is taking us out. Where'd you go?"

"Oh ... um, I got lost in my thoughts."

Buffy grinned. "Were they nice thoughts? Were there half dressed men waving fans around and offering you peeled grapes?"

Dawn gaped at Buffy. "Half naked men with fans and peeled grapes? You've been reading those trashy romance novels again, haven't you? Who was it this time? Nora Roberts?"

Buffy blushed brightly. "No. Um, Lindsay McKenna, actually."

Dawn just rolled her eyes. "You really need to expand your reading list, Buff ... there is more out there than just romance, you know. What time's dinner?"

Still pouting slightly, Buffy got off the bed. "In about an hour and a half."

"Cool," Dawn said. "I'll start getting ready, then."

Buffy nodded and headed to the door, turning back at the last second and making a beeline for Dawn's closet. Opening the door, she began to sort through the clothes Dawn had brought with her, evaluating and discarding outfits at an alarming rate. Dawn watched, blinking, from her perch on the bed. "Buffy! I'm perfectly capable of picking out my own clothing, thank you very much, and I can even dress myself now."

Buffy snorted. "You said almost that exact same thing the day you wore a purple skirt and orange shirt with a pair of cowboy boots and a tutu on your head."

"Hey!" Dawn protested. "I was only five then, and besides, that outfit rocked."

"Uh huh. Use age and your ignorance of anything fashionable as an excuse," Buffy teased.

The Slayer emerged from the closet with a pair of black, boot cut knit pants and a sleeveless blue top. "Wear these, with those shoes," she said, pointing to a pair by the door.

Dawn had to admit it was a good choice. "Okay," she said simply.

Buffy left then and Dawn headed to the shower, grabbing her overnight bag along the way ... she'd yet to unpack her toiletries. 'I wonder why Buffy got so picky about my clothes?' Dawn mused. 'It's just going to be us and Angel...'

"Oh my god!" Dawn exclaimed out loud. "They're going to try to set me up with someone!"

All of Buffy's recent questions about her personal life, all the lectures about how dating begets a normal life, it was all suddenly making sense. They wanted to set her up. Dawn sighed. She had no idea what to think, what to say, how to persuade them not to even bother. She did know, however that she didn't want to be with anyone but Spike. She knew this for a fact. She'd tried to be with other people and it just never worked out. Ever.

Dawn turned the shower on, letting the water heat up, as she lost herself in her memories. She had dated, or attempted to date, several times. She'd tried dating men, but had always ended up comparing them to the one night she'd spent with Spike. So, when that didn't pan out, she had tried dating women instead, and that hadn't worked either. She just couldn't get into that scene.

Everything always came back to that one night ... and Dawn tried to convince herself that she was literally flabbergasted as to why, since in the end, she'd gotten her heart broken. She sighed again. She did know why though, if she'd let herself admit it, that night still haunted her. It was because Spike had given her the most romantic night she could ever have dreamed of ... it was as if he had known exactly what she wanted when she wanted it, and hadn't hesitated a second to give it to her. Then he had just vanished.

She'd never told anyone about that night and she didn't plan to ever do so. It was just too embarrassing. Buffy, of course, had tried to get it out of her, knowing that something had happened to cause Dawn's lengthy bout of depression, but Dawn never said a word. Not a single word. What could she have said? 'Well, Buffy, it's like this. I shagged your ex-vampire repeatedly, letting him, among other things, take my virginity. Then, he left me.'

Buffy would have hunted Spike down and shoved a stake through his heart. Of that, Dawn had no doubt. Stepping into the shower, Dawn decided to just let the evening unfold, blind date included. "Whatever happens," she told herself, "happens, nothing more, nothing less."

***

"Dawn," Buffy called from outside her room. "You ready?"

"Yeah, Buffy, almost. I'll be right there."

"Okay, We'll just wait for you in the lobby."

"All right." Dawn put the finishing touches on her hair, curling it as close to perfection as she could manage. Looking in the mirror one last time, Dawn whispered, "Well, that's as good as it's getting."

Leaving the bathroom, Dawn grabbed her purse and headed down to the lobby. She walked quickly, knowing she was running a little bit late. She hurried down the stairs and grinned as Angel and Buffy's voices reached her. They were joking around, like they always did, teasing each other, but their voices were filled with love.

Dawn opened her mouth to tell them to get a room when a third voice joined in, beating her to it. The air seemed to be leaving the room suddenly, and things began to spin as the people at the bottom of the stairs came into view. Her heart started pounding, her breath came in shallow pants, and she struggled with all the control she could muster ... trying to prevent herself from running back to the relative safety of her room.

Spike was at the bottom of the stairs. With Angel and Buffy. And they were all staring at her.

"Oh my god..." her voice was a whisper, and Dawn reached out, leaning against the handrail for support.

Staring down into the lobby, Dawn struggled to breathe, struggled to remain upright and, if Buffy's face was anything to judge by, the expression on her own face must have been a doozy. Her sister rushed at her, climbing the stairs two at a time. "Oh, Dawn..." Buffy said as she reached her. "We should have warned you."

Finding her voice, Dawn stared at her sister. "You knew Spike was here?"

"Of course she did," Angel said, coming up behind Buffy. "She invited him."

Dawn had no idea what to say. She alternated between staring at Buffy and Angel, and looking over Angel's shoulder at the blond vampire staring right back at her. He hadn't changed much, Dawn noticed. His hair was a bit shorter, and the duster was no where to be seen, but other than that, he looked exactly the same. Not that she had expected him to look different, really ... he'd just become something abstract in her mind over the years. Seeing him in the flesh was kinda weird.

Blinking a few times, Dawn attempted to clear her mind of the fog that had seemed to settle there. She glared at Buffy. "We will talk later."

Buffy sucked on her bottom lip and looked at the floor. "Okay," she agreed softly. "We just ... we didn't want you to hurt anymore."

With that soft admission, Dawn's eyes fluttered closed. They knew. Buffy and Angel knew about her night with Spike. How or why, or when they found out wasn't important at the moment. What mattered was that they knew. Embarrassment flooded Dawn as she tried to choose her next course of action. Silently reminding herself that she was still the same woman who had willingly gone after a Fyral demon with an ax to protect a ten year old Slayer, Dawn took a deep breath and pushed past Buffy and Angel, walking toward Spike. Stopping right in front of him, she almost chickened out, silent pep talk or not. Forcing herself to stay put, she looked up into his eyes and swallowed hard. "Long time no see."

'Well,' she thought, 'that's a start.'

Spike nodded at her. He too seemed at a loss for words, and Dawn found that somewhat comforting. "Too long," he said finally.

Dawn held his gaze for a moment longer before looking back at her sister and Angel. "Dinner still on?"

Angel hesitated, but eventually answered her. "We have reservations for ... er, two."

Dawn closed her eyes again, realizing the lengths they had gone to in setting the evening up. She could feel Spike's eyes still burning into her, and the pressure was suddenly just too much. She couldn't do this. Brave Watcher or not, she just couldn't do this. Not they way they wanted. She couldn't just smile and walk out the door on Spike's arm, pretending for the world that everything was okay between them, that he hadn't left her in bed asleep four and a half years ago without even saying good-bye. She just couldn't.

Shaking her head, Dawn said, "I can't do this. I really just can't. Buffy, you and Angel have a good night out."

Without giving any of them a chance to respond, Dawn turned and literally ran up the stairs, escaping out of sight. She ignored the three of them calling out her name. She just ran and never looked back.